Published on Wednesday, 30 November -0001 00:00
Shopping used to be fun, before I became a mom and started to put things like dog food and toilet bowl cleaner in my cart. When you are buying the likes of bleach and coffee filters and have a list as long as Santa's beard, shopping feels more like a chore than an event. What if we could change that? What if you could go to the store without a list because you didn't have anything to buy? What if you were there just to have fun? What sort of silly trouble could you get yourself into?
(Disclaimer: Please note that while none of these activities hurts or injures another person, I don't advocate actually engaging in them because adults should not be allowed to have such silly fun. While I wouldn't carry out any of the ideas listed, I do get a jingle thinking about them. I guess you could say I have a youthful sense of humor.)
Forget about Black Friday. Instead create your own Wacky Wednesday at the superstore. Imagine all the fun things you could do if you went shopping and had nothing you needed to buy:
For instance, you could ask to see the manager and request free tax advice.
Find the outdoor furniture section and take a nap on a hammock.
Go through the checkout line with one pack of gum. When it comes time to pay, ask for the employee discount.
Try to return yesterday's newspaper on the grounds that it is outdated.
When at a craft or fabric store, carry a skein of yarn to the measuring table and tell the clerk you'd like a yard and a half.
Move a small table from the furniture section. Set it up in the cracker aisle and offer free samples.
Take a bunch of DVDs to the register and tell the cashier you want to rent them.
Ask if you can sample the toilet paper.
Approach random shoppers, asking for their autograph.
Take advantage of a buy-one-get-one free offer and then attempt to return the "buy-one" item.
Go to one of those dollar stores and continually approach the clerk with different items. Each time ask, "How much is this?"
Leisurely stroll through the grocery aisles, stopping to tell people that you are allergic to various items in their carts. For added effect, show them your EpiPen.
Go to the customer service counter and tell them you want to return your little sister.
In the accessories department, ask the clerk if you can buy just one glove.
Test out the ring tone on your cell phone; pretend it is real and answer. Approach a random shopper and say, "Phone call for you."
Ask if the toothbrushes are returnable.
Make it a point to be at the superstore early in the morning so you can join in on their calisthenics.
In the pet department, ask the clerk which type of tropical fish cats like to eat best.
In the produce section, tell the clerk you have a special recipe and need to purchase just one blueberry.
We are entering one of the biggest shopping seasons of the year. You'll no doubt have many gifts to purchase and no time for fun or pranks. That's probably a good thing, because following through with any of the ideas listed above could very well put you on Santa's naughty list, and we wouldn't want that. Ho, ho, ho, no.
Jill Pertler, award-winning syndicated columnist and author of "The Do-It-Yourselfer's Guide to Self-Syndication" is collecting fans on Facebook on her Slices of Life page. E-mail her atÊ
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