To Whom it May Concern (you know who you are)
I am tired – and quite literally so – of being overlooked and underappreciated. I am not acting catty when I contend that I am maliciously maligned and misunderstood. My patience with this matter is wearing categorically thin and I demand change. The conditions under which I am forced to exist have become unbearable and I am therefore petitioning for living adjustments effective immediately, or yesterday, if possible.
Complaint #1 – Bathroom conditions. I have to go underground, into a dungeon-like space every time I wish to relieve myself. Furthermore, my toilet provides no privacy and sits within inches of Other Cat’s bathroom box. Sometimes Other Cat jumps into my cubicle and does the unthinkable. (He is so uncouth.) When my human pours fresh gravel into my non-private private space, I race to be first to access the new, unblemished sand. I’d like to place an order for a new, private toilet above ground level, preferably near a scratching pad with an automatic flushing mechanism.
I tell my kids not to hate things. You can dislike Brussels sprouts, but there’s no need to hate them, not really.
The word “hate” itself has become a buzzword for political incorrectness. No one wants to be accused of being a hater.
As a parent, I should follow my own advice – lead by example and be a good role model. Still, there are things worthy of my strong, strong dislike – and maybe even the “H” word. There, I said it. There are some things I hate. (Don’t tell my kids.)
For instance, I hate those website pop-up pages that make you click on the “Leave page?” button even though you never even clicked on the page in the first place.
Note to readers (and self) superglue does not mix well with granite countertops. Recently I had the opportunity to experience this noxious combination in the comfort of my own kitchen.
This was not of my doing. But you already knew that.
Late one night (when all the excitement happens at my house) my teenage son had an unfortunate encounter with a ceramic bowl, which resulted in the right half of the bowl separating from the left. Normally a broken bowl is no big deal at our house, but this happened to be a bowl that was hand-painted – by me. Since my son understood the gravity of his predicament, he decided to mend the break. Or at least try.
Superman, Wonder Woman and the Incredible Hulk all possess superpowers, but I enjoy supremacy even greater than x-ray vision, unlimited strength or the ability to fly. My capabilities come from grocery lists in my pocket and canned goods on aisle seven. It’s the power of food acquisition and I’ve assumed extreme control.
Those of us in the know know it doesn’t get any better than that.
Simply put, I do 97.376 percent of the grocery shopping for my family. Let the scope of that sink in for a moment. Pause and ponder like you might over the glazed donuts in the bakery section.
Victuals. Chow. Sustenance. Edibles. Nourishment. Cuisine. Food impacts the menu, mood, mind and mojo – and the person purchasing the food is in charge. Not even Superman with his flowing red cape and tight blue tights can top that.
There are moments that I wish community members and parents could see what I see taking place in the EVW school system. The past year has produced some very memorable moments, and I consider it a blessing to have the opportunity to work with such caring and compassionate professionals.
The past few weeks have been extremely busy with end of the year ceremonies, banquets, and graduation. As a staff, we’ve been blessed to take part in recognizing our students for overcoming obstacles, reaching their goals, and achieving major milestones. Everywhere you turn, you will witness trained professionals attending to our students and their needs. Eden Valley – Watkins parents and community, be proud of your school. The EV-W faculty, staff, and administration are committed to you and your children. Thank you for another great year!